SEXUAL LIFE AS A FEMALE.
The world is a place of passion. From the corners of college halls to late-night parties. In fact Frank Zappa said, “If you want to get laid, go to college, if you want an education, go to the library.” The reason is simple. Humans are emotional beings and one of the most intense displays of passion happens there in bed with a significant other.
As common as sex is, it holds the greatest insecurities that people face. This includes both men and women. they keep wondering, “Am I good enough?” “Can I do better at what I do?” “How do I make this more pleasurable?” “How do I alleviate pain?” “Does my partner feel as much pleasure as I feel?”
And then there’s the other group who don’t get as much as they want from sex. They wonder, “if sex is supposed to be so intimate, then why do I feel so apathetic?” “Why doesn’t this interest me?” “Why am I not as aroused as I should be?” And a couple of other legitimate questions. Questions that sit with them while they go through life’s bustle. Questions that tug at their hearts continually.
The bad thing is that the world has made us feel like this is something profane to talk about. The world spits on sexual discussions, and so, people walk around with their problems tucked away in their hearts. Hence, only their Google history would hold all their fears and questions. Questions that they seek answers to even though they cannot voice them out.
They search for sexual health supplements, products to improve their sexual health, How often a woman get examined and all of that.
But, it shouldn’t be that way. Sexual health should be a welcomed topic among youths, married and single people. And especially among females.
This is because females have peculiar reproductive organs and needs. The female sexual organ is complex. The vagina is more internal than external. A lot of canals and orifices are involved. From the Labia to the cervix, hymen and then, the fallopian tubes and ovaries. And finally the uterus. The female sexual health involves the entirety of all these organs and not just the vagina. Hence, the complexity of the organs require a lot of care and attention.
However, a lot of women have problems with their sexual health. These sexual problems are things that reduce or totally eliminate the satisfaction and fulfillment derived from sex.
Some of the common female sexual life concerns and problems are;
- A lack of sexual desire: A sexual life devoid of desire is utmost torture. This is because the optimum sexual experience was designed to be driven by pleasure. That is what makes the organs respond to touch and even naturally lubricate themselves.
However, a lot of women do not find this desire in them. They do not know how to make themselves desire sex as they should. It could be because of a previous traumatic sexual experience.
They had probably been raped or forced to perform repulsive sexual practices and so their brains have come to understand sex as traumatic. They experience Post traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
What probably started out as a temporary lack of desire may metamorphose into something worse and long-lasting. It may be their mental health, but it could also be hormonal imbalances; and if they do not understand the cause of their lack of desire, they would not be able to improve their sexual experience.
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- Inability to conceive: Apart from the women who just desires sex as a passionate experience, some women see it as a consolidation of their feminity. They want to carry their own children on their bosoms and so, they expect that to happen so much, so that when it doesn’t happen, the sexual experience becomes mechanical.
A means to an end instead of the end in itself. They continually search for the satisfaction they found initially but in its place, they have a shadow of themselves and their love. An undying desire to have children would leave them weary and aching.
Fertility problems are the most common sexual problems that females face. They begin to wonder if they’re doing anything wrongly and become endless visitors of gynaecologists. Sometimes, the story never ends well.
- Pain instead of pleasure: Some women actually face a painful sexual intercourse. Apart from the pain that some face when they’re just having sex for the first time, some women have hymens that are either only slightly perforated or not even perforated at all and this can lead to painful intercourse.
This pain could also be due to medical conditions such as infections, injury at the vagina and pre or post menopausal stages. Some partners may be rough and may thrust too hard, causing abrasions. Sometimes, the pleasure shields the pain but some other times, when the pain overwhelms the pleasure, it is a sign of something more.
- The Wrong Partner: Sex is much more than just physical thrusts. It is more emotional than physical and this is where a lot of women get it wrong. When there is tension in a relationship, sexual experience is adversely affected.
The intense desire is doused and in its place is the ashes of a long-gone sexual flame. And in most relationships when the female is on the receiving end, she just allows sex to happen to her while she waits and watches. A passive, nonchalant attitude never allows for great sexual experience.
The answers to all these issues aren’t far-fetched though. You can improve your sexual life and experience by having the right information and doing the right things.
Here are a few tips on how to improve your sexual life as a female.
1. Talk about it.
We live in a world that shuns speaking up. People would rather die in silence than talk about the things that bother them. Slowly, that mindset is changing. Nigerians call it “Soro Soke,” the act of speaking out.
When you have a sexual issue, it is best to talk about it with your partner. If you feel it wouldn’t be a nice idea to talk with your partner, you could talk to trained specialists on sexual health. The goal is to get it out there in the open and find a solution to the problem.
2. Improve Your Self-esteem.
A lot of times, women have insecurities garnered from the society’s definition of beauty and perfection. Hence, these insecurities go with them as they get intimate with their partners. You could improve your self-esteem by only choosing partners that love you for who you are and not your body. Also, self-reassurance can never be overemphasized.
Also, self-reassurance can never be overemphasized. You deserve all the love and affection you are getting. And sex is not a gift for good body physique. It is an expression of love, and so, a lot of men who get to that point with you, do not consider your body’s imperfections at all.
Talk about the fears and insecurities. About the kind of positions that turn you on and those you dislike. Talk about the times you faked an orgasm and laugh about it. Sometimes, it’s even great to talk about your ideal sexual experience with your partner and also listen to theirs. You can both come to a compromise and meet each other’s needs effectively.
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3. Knowledge of female sexual health and reproductive system.
Educating yourself on the workings of the female sexual organs is a Confidence-booster, especially as regards infertility issues. A knowledge of the menstrual cycle and fertility periods makes sex focused on child bearing more strategic.
However, if you have fertility medical issues, you should see a gynaecologist and make sure you understand the problem and solution.
However, not being able to bear children shouldn’t be a problem in a healthy and trustful relationship. If it begins to become a problem, discussing with your partner would do a lot of good.
4. Healthy practices of sexual life as a female.
No matter how amazing sexual experiences are, there are still some unsafe and unhealthy sexual practices such as the use of violence (BDSM), anal sex, unknown status of your partner for certain sexually transmitted diseases.
For instance, a lady who isn’t sure about the HIV status of her partner may be insecure about allowing him to get into her. She may want to stop or may lose focus at the very climax and it is a turn off for both partners. Health is paramount and an unhealthy person cannot enjoy her sexual experience.
5. Health boosters.
Drugs, healthy food, fruits and exercising are important in building a great relationship with your partner.
Females are more prone to urinary tract infections and so, boosting the immune system is a sure way to prevent that and enhance the sexual experience.
Exercise improves blood flow and enables the heart to properly function even in heightened sexual pleasure and orgasms when the body’s blood pressure increases to suit female erection and general arousal.
In conclusion, an amazing sexual life as a female is the bedrock of any beautiful relationship. Sex is a great kind of intimacy that partners share to consummate their affection for one another. And until it is at its best, most ladies would never put on smiles that reach their eyes.